The uninitiated may assume anything higher than a three on the Bristol stool scale is eligible. The waffle’s consistency is the first hurdle at which many amateur stompers fall. First, we shall focus on the waffle, and in due time, dear reader, the stomp. But it is by no means a perfect solution. Certainly, it is efficient, and when done well, perfectly safe. Its proponents, however, conveniently forget several key facts about the practice. Many institutions have already done amazing work in this area, such as the University of Melbourne’s Safe Stomping Standards, a program currently being taught in high schools across Australia.Įver since the philosophers of the Enlightenment first denounced the act of wafflestomping, the matter has been one of intense debate. The issue lies therefore not in opposing the wafflestomp-a draconian measure to say the least-but in educating people on proper techniques. What this argument fails to understand is that variety is the spice of life-a waffle’s variety is what makes the stomp so satisfying, and to take that away would be to take away one of life’s greatest joys.Įven well-intended opponents of the wafflestomp are sheepish to admit that a well-executed stomp is hygienic and effective. Opponents of the wafflestomp will contend that the sheer variety of waffles in our society make the wafflestomp a high- stakes activity, with the average punter unprepared for all the variegated waffles life may throw at him. Whether it be a date to the Indian restaurant down the road or some funky sushi, the privacy and noise protection of the shower provide the perfect cover to destroy the evidence, and the steaming water a biblical cleansing of your sins.

Not only does wafflestomping significantly reduce water consumption, combining showering and toileting into one progressive activity, but it also reduces deforestation, as wafflestomping rids us of the need for toilet paper, turning instead to the gentle stream of a warm shower.įurthermore, countless men and women across the world know the utility of a wafflestomp in a time of crisis. Amidst this push for a cleaner world, wafflestomping has become an integral part of any environmentalist’s morning routine. Undoubtedly, we live today in an environmentally conscious world, where recycling is paramount and natural resources are in short supply. The wafflestomp derives its name from the Belgians, who were the first to practice ‘the stomp’ in the mid-18th century, and involves the pressing of one’s excrement down the drain of one’s shower, or la douche as the French affectionately call it. For the uninitiated, a quick summation of the stomping movement is perhaps in order.

The name itself conjures up fond memories for many, and cold sweats of fear for others.

Waffle stomp